#GivingTuesday

As you can probably tell from your social media newsfeed and your e-mail inbox, today is #GivingTuesday. 

#GivingTuesday kicks off the charitable season, when many focus on their holiday and end-of-year giving.

My biggest stumbling block for this call back to Uganda has been the financial support I need to raise. 

In less than two months, I have to raise, not only, about $800 for a plane ticket, but also about $700 for my monthly financial needs when I return to Uganda. 

With lots of prayer, and- yes, even times of, "There is no way this is possible!"- my faith is being tested and stretched.

I know it's not possible in my own strength or power, but God isn't limited by my strength and power.

John Piper wrote it beautifully in blog about support raising on the Desiring God website,

"Paul says to the Philippian church, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19). God promises to deliver the things that we need to accomplish his purposes. While this does not offer an unqualified guarantee of full funding in ministry, it does offer something far greater: The gracious and generous God who owns the cattle on a thousand hills will supply all your needs (Psalm 50:10).

Navigating the troubled waters of support raising is no easy task. However, resting on the omniscience, omnipotence, and omnibenevolence of God can and will carry you through it."

Today, I am resting within the promises of God, as I ask for your financial support.

I realize the amounts that I need for my plane ticket and monthly support probably aren't an amount that you can do all by yourself, but I want to emphasize to you that every dollar truly counts.

If you can donate $10 monthly, it's as significant of a donation to me as if you can donate $100, beacuse each dollar is one dollar closer to meeting my needs.

Every donation, no matter how big or how not-so-big, makes a huge difference in building the kingdom and spreading the good news of the gospel.

This #GivingTuesday, please consider giving a tax-deductible gift and support me as I embark on my call to return to Uganda by using the link below and then begin typing "Wilson" until "Wilson, Cassandra-- UGANDA" appears. Then click "Donate" and follow the prompts to complete the donation.

https://worldoutreach.org/index.php/missionary-support-2



Thank you for all the love, support, and prayers that I have received thus far. I could not do any of this without you!

Leaving one home to return to the other home

After a very eventful first attempt to fly home that included a three-hour jam, a stubborn security guard, closed airline offices, and unhelpful staff, I was refused from my original flight. But with lots of help from family and friends, I got rebooked on another flight out exactly 24 hours later.

Stephen and Patu stuck by my side (literally) for three hours at the airport as we tried to figure out what to do next.

The last 48 hours in Kampala were exactly what I needed to help wind myself down and process all the huge things that have happened in the past six weeks.

I was able to visit my favorite project in the city, New Brainstorm, one last time before I left and say a proper “see you later” to all the children and the headmaster.

I had the chance to have all of my friends send me off with lots of love, words, hugs, and buckets and buckets of water (a Ugandan tradition) for a safe journey to my other home for the holidays.

Every once in a while, I need some alone, introvert time to be able to process things that are a lot for me to handle emotionally. On Wednesday and Thursday, there were a lot of emotions going through my head and I have had ample time to begin to process them.

God has continued to do huge things in the past six weeks, some of which I am ready to talk your ears off about and some of which I am still waiting on his “go ahead” to talk aloud about. But, believe me, I am so excited for the future, based on the puzzle pieces that have been revealed.

I went into this trip nervous deep down, despite my surface-level excitement. I knew everything was about to change, even though I wasn’t yet sure how.

I felt the reoccurring question being asked, “Do you trust me enough to lay down all your future expectations and past hurts and let go of it all, so I can work in all those areas?”

Of course, I said, “Yes! That’s why I’m here! Take it all; break what needs to be broken, then build it back up in a more perfect way.”

But that was easier said than done.

I was holding on to some hurt and insecurities that I didn’t even know I had (or still had, in some cases). Old strongholds that I had once broken, were trying to creep back in, but sent back to the pits with the reassurances of the scripture I had spent so much time in to break them initially. New insecurities were revealed and painfully worked through.

Prophecies were spoken over my life from multiple different people, but containing the same phrases or ideas. Scripture verses, friendly advice, and reading materials were suggested by friends that all contained the same subjects.

Psalm 33:9 has been brought to my attention somehow almost daily

I know this is all very vague, but trust me when I say that this trip was not just another great time in the place my heart calls home. It was a time of revelation, of promises fulfilled, and of greater things yet to come! Most of the stuff that happened during the trip, I would rather discuss with people face-to-face, so I will not be posting those details until I have time to talk to friends and family. Other things, are not for the here and now, but will be able to be discussed further after my return to Uganda, when the details are confirmed and solidified.

As for right now, I am halfway home, sitting in the Amsterdam airport, drinking a very large coffee. 

I’m making the mental and emotional transition to go from one home to the other. I am learning to live in the moment more and, while I miss the “home” I am away from when I am in the other “home”, God is teaching me how to better be present where I am. How to look forward to the future with eager anticipation and prayer, but how to still actively live in the present.

I will miss Uganda and my friends and family there every day until I return, but the excitement that I have to be with my friends and family in Kansas City again is occupying equal heart space.

I have felt the pull of both “homes” since 2011, when I first visited Uganda. But, beginning in January, Uganda will finally be the home I will reside within.

And, with that, I have made the official jump from a part-time missionary with a “real” full-time job to supply for my every need, to a full-time missionary, dependent on God for all that I need.

“Give me the love that leads the way, the faith that nothing can dismay, the hope no disappointments tire, the passion that will burn like fire; let me not sink to be a clod. Make me thy fuel, Flame of God!” 

Amy Carmichael

“Lord, I give up

All my own plans and purposes,

All my own desires and hopes

And accept Thy will for my life.

I give myself, my life, my all,

Utterly to Thee

To be Thine forever.

Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit.

Use me as Thou wilt,

Send me where Thou wilt,

Work out Thy whole will in my life

At any cost,

Now and forever.” 

Betty Scott Stam

Be watching for a blog post and more details soon about how you can help me, as I start a brand new chapter in life, dependent completely on God and how he will use his people to supply for my needs.

As always, I ask for prayers for clarity, direction, and peace, as I move forward in confirmation of this call upon my life.

"But God": How the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week was redeemed

As I mentioned in a previous blog, last week we had the chance to visit some of the women in the Women's Empowerment program at Empower A Child.

My friend, Stephen, was in the group with me and it came upon a point where Maggie was talking when Stephen just stopped translating and listened, almost as if he didn't know how to translate what she was saying. (Luganda is one of like six languages that he speaks, so there is occasion where he has to think of the right word or phrase to use to translate from Luganda to English.)

He finally looked up and said, "You know when God is doing something great in your life, but Satan is doing everything in his power to make it so that you are not focused on that and he just keeps attacking you? That's what is happening with her right now."

For the past week, my head kept replaying Stephen saying that.

Moments after I posted my last blog and received encouragement, love, and support from literally hundreds of my friends and family members, I began feeling attacked.

My biggest vulnerabilities to attacks are physical ones and relational ones.

I'll give you two guesses as to which two areas I was hit hard in.

Yup, those two.

First, I was disembarking from my boda boda (think: motorcycle and dirt bike combined into one very fast and efficient, but sometimes crazily-driven form of public tranport) and the driver tipped the boda and the exhaust pipe hit my leg.

I don't know if you've ever experienced what burning flesh smells like, but let me assure you, it isn't a pleasant scent. Nor is it a pleasant feeling.

The following day, I was walking home from Tusky's with a few things I needed to purchase before setting off, once again, for the village and a car was coming to pass down the small side road I was traveling on. I hopped up on the side a little more to ensure I wouldn't be knocked and continued walking. 

A few feet later, I tripped on (read: punted) a sharp rock on the path. I refused to look down at it because I knew it wasn't going to be good. I was just around the corner from the house, so I picked up my speed to make it home before it got bad. But within a few seconds, my foot was sliding all over my flip flop like I had stepped in a puddle. I looked down to see my entire flip flop was filled with bright red blood and I had a trail of it that I was leaving behind.

The rock split open my big toe completely, taking off basically the top of my toe and all the skin that should have been there. Of course, it was on the same leg as my boda burn.

(I'm going to spare you the picture of the toe injury because it is gag-worthy.)

That same day, conversations with friends and family revealed difficult situations for me to cope with: a grandma whose brain and body is failing her and a grandpa who seems to be not far behind, a family member smack in the middle of hurtful rebellious actions, a heart-broken friend, and a semi-forced conversation that I was intentionally avoiding regarding my lovelife.

Never mind the fact that I could hardly walk due to the physical damage to my leg, now I didn't want to do anything besides lay on my bed and cry because I was feeling the weight of all of that on my shoulders.

Physically, I was wounded and weak. 

Emotionally, I was drained and discouraged.

The next two days were filled with, "We are going to the village [enter some description of time that will occur later in the day]."

One thing you need to know: African time is very-- let's put it as nicely as possible-- "lax". It's always more of a suggestion, than a promise. If someone says they have a meeting at 10, the meeting might start at noon (or even later!).

For me, the village is home. I knew that going back to the village would be a refresher for me. A restart for the funk I'd been in.

To have that departure time being pushed back again and again, was making me very angry.

After almost 36 hours of being told we were leaving "soon", we finally set off for the village. I put my iPod on my worship music shuffle, climbed into the back seat of the van, and prayerfully sobbed the entire hour drive to the village. 

I arrived knowing I was having a rough time, but God (my favorite phrase in the bible, in case you forgot) would turn the ugly and painful into a testimony that glorifies Him.

I stood under the stars in the village and was amazed at the clarity and brightness of each individual star; something you can only see in a third world village in the middle of complete darkness and no electricity. As I stood there, slowly, the rain began to fall. We are in the middle of a drought here; it's rainy season but it has not rained at all! The cool, breeze replaced the hot, stale air. The sounds of children laughing and playing in the rain echoed through the village. 

I was reminded that there is always a light, no matter how dark the night; there is always rain, no matter how long the drought. It just requires faith, even when you can't yet see it.

This is the closest I could come to getting a accurate photo of the stars. They are just more amazing in person than this photo can portray.

Thankfully, I received that revelation before I shattered my tooth or I might have really felt defeated.

Last night, I decided to buy some popped popcorn in town (think: a few family-run shops, definitely not a town like America knows it to be) to have while we were watching a movie on someone's laptop that night. Later, as I crunched down on a handful during the movie, something didn't feel right.

Sure enough, I spit out about half of one of my molars. I had apparently tried to bite an unpopped kernel and it shattered my tooth.

It was in this moment of frustration, but not utter defeat, that God showed me the love and support of my Ugandan family. Within minutes, they rallied around me: comforting me, calling our driver, arranging an appointment with our friend who is a dentist, praying for me, and asking what they could do to help.

Although, unfortunately, there was not much that could be done at 11 p.m. on a Friday night, that didn't stop them from trying.

So, I took some ibuprofen, let them pray over me, and went to sleep, knowing that in the morning, we would be heading to the dentist an hour's drive away.

The whole situation with the dentist was an answered prayer.

She came in on her day off to ensure she could get me in as soon as possible and I was surprised.

No root damage. No nerve damage. No problems. No financial hurdles. No shots or numbing injections.

Just a little drilling to remove broken, damaged edges, a composite filling and a payment of $17, and the tooth was repaired!

As I am sitting in the guesthouse in the city, waiting on Patu to take a nap before having to drive me all the way back to the village, I can see all the "but God" moments in the past week.

Yes, this week was really hard at times,...

But God was beside me through it all and I never felt alone

But God protected me in the injuries- bodas have given far worse injuries/burns and my toe is almost completely healed already with no infection

But God is healing my friends and family's bodies and hearts and will continue to work in them

But God brought a new intimacy to a friendship and might be working through that in the future

But God exposed a weak tooth that would have cost hundreds of dollars, if not more, in the states to repair without dental insurance, since I am jobless

But God showed me that, as I am getting ready to enter a season of being halfway across the world from my actual family and long-time friends for a long period of time, I have an entire network of family and friends here that will bend over backwards and do everything in their power to love me well and help me when I need them.

Satan might have some firery arrows to attack with, but God has equipped me with the shield of faith.

"Faith reminds us that, though fulfillment of God's promise may not be readily visible to us, God is true to His word."

God has called me to Uganda, and Satan cannot take that calling away, no matter how much hard stuff comes my way. 

I just need to make sure I'm focusing on the one who controls the storms and waves and not the sights and sounds of them crashing near me.

Promises fullfilled and a one-way plane ticket

Five years ago, I first set my feet upon the land that would, from then forth, be called “home” for me. In just the two short weeks I was here, I knew God was doing something huge in regards to my life and Uganda.

There was an undeniable call on my life and pull on my heartstrings that was beckoning me to this place.

Multiple people in my life told me that God was up to something bigger than I could even imagine and all I had to do was trust Him.

Five months ago, I began feeling like God was preparing me to move. I assumed it was downtown Kansas City since I had become part of a new community down there and loved being there with them. I began asking around for people looking for roommates. 

While I had a few good leads, nothing felt quite right and everything I tried, fell through. I started to get frustrated and was ready to give up and be content with living with my parents forever! (Sorry, mom and dad!)

Multiple people in my life told me that God was up to something bigger than I could even imagine and all I had to do was trust Him.

Five weeks ago, I felt led to quit my job. After almost a decade, I released the death-grip I had come to have on my security in having a job and ran hard after the unknown. I was trusting God to provide what I needed and to reveal what I needed to know when I needed to know it. For the first time that I could remember, I didn’t have a job to fall back on.

Multiple people in my life told me that God was up to something bigger than I could even imagine and all I had to do was trust Him.

In the past week, these three big pieces have come to fit together in the beautiful puzzle of my life.

God has, in fact, done something bigger than I could even imagine because I was able to trust in His divine plan.

I will still be returning to the States two weeks from today. But I’ll have a slightly different schedule upon returning.

While I anticipated applying for potential career position after potential career position, trying to find the one that was the perfect fit for me and what I wanted to do with my creative brain as soon as I got off the plane from Uganda, God had a different plan.

I will still be applying for jobs, but they will be part-time seasonal jobs that will only last the two months I will be home.

Yup, you read that correctly. I’ll only be home for two months. 

During that time, I will be finding seasonal jobs to be able to have flexible hours to spend time with my friends and family and also be able to save as much money as possible.

Because, on January 16, I am returning to Uganda with a one-way plane ticket!

I still don’t have a lot of details, but God is teaching me more every day about trusting Him to reveal the pieces that I need to complete the part of the puzzle He is working on at that moment.

I do know that I will be returning to work with Empower A Child for a long-term commitment. 

I do know that I am receiving lots of love, support, prayers, and affirmation from the people who I have told already.

I do know that God has all this in His hands, so I don’t need to be concerned with the small stuff.

I do know that I am ready and willing to embrace this next chapter and take a leap of faith, moving from my stuff-filled, first-world life to a simple room in a third-world village with a few suitcases of belongings but surrounded by more love and happiness than I could even put into words.

One piece at a time- no matter if it’s a small piece or a giant one, like this- God is revealing the bigger picture for my life.

And, oh my goodness, it’s a much more beautiful picture than I could have tried to piece together myself, no matter how hard I tried!

As I wait for more pieces to fall into place and more doors to be opened, I ask for your prayers. 

Once again, I am asking for prayers for clarity, direction, affirmation, trust, faith, and peace.

I am taking a huge step out of this boat of safety and security and onto the crashing waves that Jesus is beckoning me to. I want to keep my eyes on Him and not lose focus and be defeated by the circumstances surrounding the calling.