Leaving one home to return to the other home

After a very eventful first attempt to fly home that included a three-hour jam, a stubborn security guard, closed airline offices, and unhelpful staff, I was refused from my original flight. But with lots of help from family and friends, I got rebooked on another flight out exactly 24 hours later.

Stephen and Patu stuck by my side (literally) for three hours at the airport as we tried to figure out what to do next.

The last 48 hours in Kampala were exactly what I needed to help wind myself down and process all the huge things that have happened in the past six weeks.

I was able to visit my favorite project in the city, New Brainstorm, one last time before I left and say a proper “see you later” to all the children and the headmaster.

I had the chance to have all of my friends send me off with lots of love, words, hugs, and buckets and buckets of water (a Ugandan tradition) for a safe journey to my other home for the holidays.

Every once in a while, I need some alone, introvert time to be able to process things that are a lot for me to handle emotionally. On Wednesday and Thursday, there were a lot of emotions going through my head and I have had ample time to begin to process them.

God has continued to do huge things in the past six weeks, some of which I am ready to talk your ears off about and some of which I am still waiting on his “go ahead” to talk aloud about. But, believe me, I am so excited for the future, based on the puzzle pieces that have been revealed.

I went into this trip nervous deep down, despite my surface-level excitement. I knew everything was about to change, even though I wasn’t yet sure how.

I felt the reoccurring question being asked, “Do you trust me enough to lay down all your future expectations and past hurts and let go of it all, so I can work in all those areas?”

Of course, I said, “Yes! That’s why I’m here! Take it all; break what needs to be broken, then build it back up in a more perfect way.”

But that was easier said than done.

I was holding on to some hurt and insecurities that I didn’t even know I had (or still had, in some cases). Old strongholds that I had once broken, were trying to creep back in, but sent back to the pits with the reassurances of the scripture I had spent so much time in to break them initially. New insecurities were revealed and painfully worked through.

Prophecies were spoken over my life from multiple different people, but containing the same phrases or ideas. Scripture verses, friendly advice, and reading materials were suggested by friends that all contained the same subjects.

Psalm 33:9 has been brought to my attention somehow almost daily

I know this is all very vague, but trust me when I say that this trip was not just another great time in the place my heart calls home. It was a time of revelation, of promises fulfilled, and of greater things yet to come! Most of the stuff that happened during the trip, I would rather discuss with people face-to-face, so I will not be posting those details until I have time to talk to friends and family. Other things, are not for the here and now, but will be able to be discussed further after my return to Uganda, when the details are confirmed and solidified.

As for right now, I am halfway home, sitting in the Amsterdam airport, drinking a very large coffee. 

I’m making the mental and emotional transition to go from one home to the other. I am learning to live in the moment more and, while I miss the “home” I am away from when I am in the other “home”, God is teaching me how to better be present where I am. How to look forward to the future with eager anticipation and prayer, but how to still actively live in the present.

I will miss Uganda and my friends and family there every day until I return, but the excitement that I have to be with my friends and family in Kansas City again is occupying equal heart space.

I have felt the pull of both “homes” since 2011, when I first visited Uganda. But, beginning in January, Uganda will finally be the home I will reside within.

And, with that, I have made the official jump from a part-time missionary with a “real” full-time job to supply for my every need, to a full-time missionary, dependent on God for all that I need.

“Give me the love that leads the way, the faith that nothing can dismay, the hope no disappointments tire, the passion that will burn like fire; let me not sink to be a clod. Make me thy fuel, Flame of God!” 

Amy Carmichael

“Lord, I give up

All my own plans and purposes,

All my own desires and hopes

And accept Thy will for my life.

I give myself, my life, my all,

Utterly to Thee

To be Thine forever.

Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit.

Use me as Thou wilt,

Send me where Thou wilt,

Work out Thy whole will in my life

At any cost,

Now and forever.” 

Betty Scott Stam

Be watching for a blog post and more details soon about how you can help me, as I start a brand new chapter in life, dependent completely on God and how he will use his people to supply for my needs.

As always, I ask for prayers for clarity, direction, and peace, as I move forward in confirmation of this call upon my life.